


Always

by Noxid_Anamchara



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Deathfic, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Gen, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-16 13:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/862372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noxid_Anamchara/pseuds/Noxid_Anamchara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rick and Glenn find Daryl, lost, bloodied, and broken in the woods. How did he escape from Woodbury? And who can stop him from going over the edge?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Noxi: This idea took me by storm and ran away with me, leading to an emotional downpour of Dixon feelings. You have been warned. 
> 
> Disclaimer: The Walking Dead belongs to Kirkman and AMC.

* * *

He had nothing _left._ Nothing but a world full of emptiness, and bullshit, and _nothing_.

"Daryl?" There weren't nothing left for him here. Nothing left for him to fight for. Nothing left for him to die for. Nothing left for him to _live_ for.

"Daryl?" A hand clasped his shoulder, but he didn't even notice. He didn't even know where he was.

Cos none a it _mattered_.

Rick contemplated his options for a moment, while he had it. Daryl was a fucking _mess_. Bloodied, bruised, and _gone_. He kept calling out his name, but Daryl's eyes were just empty. He was a shell. If Rick hadn't of seen him clearly, he would have thought that Daryl was one of the dead walking.

He didn't know what the hell had happened. One minute he's walking the perimeter outside the gate, collecting some firewood, thinking about what they were gonna do about Woodbury. Making sure walkers hadn't come too close, or the living either. And the next he's stumbling over Daryl, who doesn't even know that Rick's _there_.

He had his knife clutched in one hand, the crossbow dangling from the other, useless. Just staring.

Rick didn't know whether to call out for Glenn or not.

He didn't know _what_ to do.

Because he'd _never_ seen Daryl like this.

* * *

" _Fuckin'_ run _Daryl!" He didn't know where to go though. It was too fuckin' dark, there were too many shadows that he didn't trust, and he kept lookin' back to check on him. He wasn't gonna lose Merle this time._

_Not again._

_And then he tripped, fallin' face first into the fuckin' dirt. Merle didn't even spare a laugh. That's how he knew it was serious. He just hauled him up by the arm and kept pushin' him forward, runnin' hard. He don't think he'd never seen Merle run so hard, so fast before._

" _Quit yer fuckin' gagglin' brother. Ain't got time to be carryin' yer ass." Fuck did he miss his brother. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his face. Even if they'd started fightin' over some stupid shit and Merle clocked him, it didn't matter. He was here_ now _, he was_ alive _._

Bang

_He didn't even know, couldn't even tell where it had come from. But he did know that it'd missed_ him. _And then Merle was down, on the ground faster than Daryl could blink._

" _Merle!" He fell to the ground beside him, hands runnin' all over his body, checkin' places Merle woulda smacked him over the head for touchin'._

_And then Merle_ did _smack him over the head. "Fuck you touchin' me fer Daryl?" And Daryl froze, heart thuddin' in his chest and couldn't help the relieved chuckle that broke free. Didn't matter that Merle had just smacked him._

" _Git the fuck outta my way. We gotta go." Daryl helped him up off the ground and they turned to run again._

_Stopping only to find a gun pointed in their direction._

* * *

"Rick?" Rick turned to find Glenn coming through the trees, following his trail.

"What's the hold-" He stopped, eyes landing on Daryl.

"What the hell?" He ran forward, pipe hanging at his side, forgotten.

"What the fuck is _Daryl_ doing here?" He approached Daryl, ignoring Rick's warning gesture, his hand going to Daryl's shoulder. And this time, Daryl flinched; smacking his hand off and running in the opposite direction he had come.

Rick and Glenn watched him go for a stunned second before Rick took off after him. " _Daryl!_ " He whisper-yelled, trying not to draw any attention to them. He didn't know if any walkers were in the area, but he didn't want to chance it.

"Rick!" Glenn came rushing up on his tail. He didn't bother answering. He needed to conserve his energy trying to keep up with Daryl. He was like a demon, zigzagging through the trees as if he were made to do it. And if he thought about it, he probably had been. Daryl was always the one traipsing around the woods as if they were his natural home.

But Daryl didn't hear him, or ignored him, whichever.

And then, they lost him.

They came to a stop, panting.

"What…the hell…was that?" Rick shook his head, unable to explain.

"I don't know."

* * *

" _Fight! Make them fight!" It was Merle. He couldn't fuckin' believe it. All this time, he didn't know whether Merle was alive or dead, when he wanted to go out lookin' for him, when he wanted to just_ leave _the group, Merle'd been right here all this time. He couldn't fuckin' believe it._

" _Merle-" Somebody clipped him over the head with the butt of a rifle. His head swam for a minute but then it cleared. And Merle, he didn't do nothin'. Just kept lookin' at him, lookin' round at the crowd assembled around them. Lookin' like he didn't know what the fuck he was gonna do. Lookin' as if he didn't believe that Daryl was right there in front a him._

" _You want them to fight?!" It was that fuckin' Gov'ner. Stalkin' round them both like they were some prized pigs set out to slaughter, and he was_ happy _bout it._

_He didn't like that Governor. Didn't like the way he looked. Didn't like the way he kept on lookin' at him like he wanted to come over and take his head off himself. There was something personal there. He wondered if it had to do with that one eye a his._

_And then there was Andrea, watchin' it all with that dumbass look of horror on her face, like she never knew this was comin'. He shoulda known she was a fuckin' puppet in all this. Shoulda known she would a been no_ help _if she'd been involved. Girl always was gettin' her ass into the wrong pants._

_Chants were going up, all around them, yellin' 'fight' like it was some sort of cult. He couldn't do nothin' but watch, hands tied behind his back._

_And he knew,_ knew _they were in fuckin' trouble._

" _Then it's decided." That Governor approached them both, lockin' eyes with Merle, his one carryin' a hate Daryl hadn't seen in a_ long _time. Not since they'd lost their Ma and the ol' man had blamed it on_ them _._

" _You'll fight," he said. He signaled to someone behind him and Daryl's bonds were cut. He rubbed his wrists, the feelin' of freedom bittersweet. He kept lookin' at Merle but Merle didn't look away from the Governor._

" _A battle to the death!" He announced arms spread wide. A cheer went up around them, the crowd of people goin' wild. All their faces split into these crazy grins, people whoopin' and hollerin' and fist pumpin'. What the hell did they want him 'n Merle ta do? Fight some fuckin' geeks?_

_Hell, he 'n Merle could take on a whole_ herd _of geeks and still come out cleaner than Merle's bike wiped down to the spittin' shine. Daryl thought he was in the wrong fuckin' place. Weren't no fuckin' battle arena._

_But lookin' round, that's exactly how this was set up._

_The Governor pointed to them both._

" _You fight till one of_ you _is dead."_

* * *

"Come on baby brother."

Daryl kept runnin', not knowin' where he was goin', not lookin' back. Didn't matter if he recognized those people, didn't matter if for a moment, he had felt _safe_. All he knew was that he had heard _him_.

"Whatchu waitin' fer?"

He weren't. That was the problem. The moment he'd heard his voice, he'd took off. Didn't matter where, all that mattered was that he _found_ him. He _had_ to find him.

"Can't find what's lost baby brother."

"You ain't _lost_ brother." He turned left, and then right, scannin' the trees, the shadows, _everything_ for where the voice was comin' from. That voice was everywhere.

"Can't be found. Just like your _Chupacabra_ ," and Merle laughed, sarcasm drippin' from it. He hated it when Merle did that. Treated him like he were some fuckin' kid again. Like he couldn't take care a nothin'. Like he were always tellin' lies coz he didn't know any fuckin' better.

"I'll fuckin' find ya Merle," he growled, whipping around, knife gripped tight in his hand. He slung the crossbow over his shoulder, the last arrow used on…

"That's right. You _know_ why I can't be found. Gotta let me-"

"Fuck you Merle! Always tellin' me what to do. Fuck you!" He started runnin', didn't know where, just kept pushin' forward. He would find him again. He found him once, he could do it again. He and Merle, they always came back together.

"Heh. It _was_ always you 'n me, baby brother."

Daryl stopped, frozen. It had _always_ been him 'n Merle, no matter what. Even when shit had been bad. When Ma had burned herself and the house down in that fire. When the ol' man had nearly killed'em both. When the world had gone to hell in a hand basket bringin' the fuckin' dead walkin the earth. Even when Merle was the one givin' him go round, rippin' him a new one.

It was always him 'n his brother.

"You can't tell me what to do no more, Merle. Not this time." He kept pushin' through the foliage, past the branches, over the roots and tangle below. Nothin' was familiar, everything was hollow. Nothin' felt _right_ no more.

"Cos you's a man now, that it?" Anger flared through him, like it always did when Merle didn't take him seriously, tauntin' him.

"I came back for you!" He stumbled, pitched forward and fell into a walker, it's back turned to him luckily.

"Better watch where yur goin' baby brother." He heard laughter behind him.

That laughter pissed him off, the same as it used to. Merle was always laughin' at him. Always makin' fun a him.

He knifed it through the skull, blood squirtin' in his eye, sight goin' hazy and red on one side. And then he saw it; the flash of silver, the shape of a man, the white hair.

"Merle!"

And he ran.

* * *


	2. Runnin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noxi: This was an idea that held me long ago and I had to write it. 
> 
> The Walking Dead belongs to Kirkman and AMC.

* * *

Runnin'

"Did you hear that?" Rick stopped Glenn in his tracks, as they both turned their ears up.

"Fuck you!"

They both looked at each other.

"Go back to the others. Get…" Rick thought about who was left and dropped his head. There was no one he could ask to come out here. No one he could ask to leave and help them try to deal with Daryl. Not when the group was so vulnerable and a new group was so _close_ to them. They were in a weak position. That was why they hadn't gone to get Daryl back yet. They hadn't been able to come to a decision yet about who would leave and who would stay.

Couldn't decide what to do about the _new group_.

"Carol." He jerked up at Glenn's voice. He pointed his pipe back in the direction of the prison, his face sure, his voice confident.

"If anyone can get through to Daryl, it's Carol." Rick had to admit that the pair was much closer than they had been before. It wasn't anything definitive, it wasn't like they were a couple, but there was _something_.

Like they had a bond only they could understand.

He nodded. "Be quick. Tell Carl and Hershel what's happened, and no one else." He stressed the point and dismissed Glenn.

"MERLE!"

Glenn took off, glancing back at Rick, worry clear across his face.

"Hurry," he whispered.

* * *

" _The fuck you talkin' bout?" Merle turned on him, eyes narrowed in a glare. And the Governor, he smiled at him, somethin' sick 'n hollow._

" _The good people here have been betrayed, Daryl Dixon." He walked towards him, gesturing to the people around him. They'd gone quieter as the Governor spoke. Now there was only the cracklin' of the fire and the shufflin' of feet to be heard._

" _You and your brother have brought danger to our humble town. And now," he looked round, takin' in their faces, actin' like he was some fuckin' almighty, "they want_ revenge _." He clapped Merle on the shoulder and he couldn't believe his fuckin' eyes. Merle just_ let _him._

" _Merle understands what I'm talking about." He looked Merle in the face, somehow pullin' his brothers eyes to him._

_He couldn't fuckin' believe that Merle was_ actually _listenin' to this prick._

" _Don't you Merle?"_

_And Merle, he didn't say nothin'. Just looked back at him, some kind of fucked up_ regret _written all over his face. Cos his brother, he did know. He musta known_ exactly _what the fuck this Governor was talkin' bout._

_And that just pissed him off._

* * *

"Can't keep up _Darylena_? Merle too fast fer ya now?" Daryl was pantin' and he was pissed. Couldn't continue on at this point. It was like he was goin' in fuckin' circles.

"Fuck you Merle," he whispered, bent over at the waist. Merle was always tauntin' him, playin' him like a fool.

"I told you I _can't_ be found," Merle whispered in his ear. Daryl whipped round and found nothin'. Nothin' but the trees and the shadows and the sounds of the crickets.

And he collapsed to the ground, head cradled between his knees, the air rushin' from his lungs.

"But I _have_ to find ya Merle," he whispered.

* * *

Carol walked fast, jogging every now and then to catch up with Glenn. She didn't know what _exactly_ had happened, but with the way Glenn was acting she was nervous.

"Glenn, tell me what happened." He didn't say anything. He just kept racing further ahead of her, which made her angry.

Angry at herself for being much weaker than him, and angry at him for ignoring her.

"Glenn-"

"Jus-just hurry. We don't have time to talk." He didn't meet her eyes. And that worried her. Glenn was never one to lie, because he couldn't, but when he withheld the truth it was usually when something was bad. Really bad.

"It's Daryl, isn't it. You would have asked Maggie or Michonne if it were about Woodbury or walkers. But if it were about Daryl, then…" She trailed off, her mind taking her places she didn't want to think about. She stopped dead in her tracks.

"Dammit Glenn, you tell me right now. What's going on?" Glenn stopped too, and looked at her, face going white.

"It's Daryl…" He hesitated, searching for words. He kept avoiding her eyes, looking anywhere but at her. He fidgeted with the pipe in his hands, runnin' a hand through his hair.

She stomped over and grabbed his arm, pulling it hard. "You tell me what it is right now Glenn." He didn't miss the ferocity in her gaze or the sudden anxiety that was poorly hidden behind it. He couldn't _not_ tell her.

"We found him, in the woods. He looks real bad," he faintly admitted. Carol dropped his arm, hands covering her mouth.

"But it's like…" He couldn't stop looking at her now, remembering Daryl as he had seen him; bloodied, bruised, _empty_. He didn't know what he'd seen in Daryl's face, and he didn't know how to tell Carol that without making her scared. But he had to tell her something. He owed her that.

"It's like he's not really _there_." And then Carol did something Glenn didn't expect. She straightened her shoulders and shouldered past him, walking fast, a new resolve written on her face.

"Then what are we standin' around for."

* * *

" _I can't fight ya Merle." They circled each other, the walkers surrounding them, their teeth gnashin', their hands reachin' for him. 'Cept they couldn't reach him. They was chained by the neck, in a tight circle, keepin' him and Merle close. They didn't have nowhere to go._

_Merle scoffed. "Fuck you mean ya can't." Merle took another step to the right, and Daryl followed with his right. Steady in a circle._

" _Ya always wanted to fight me back baby brother. Now's yur chance." Merle called him forward with a little hand wave, beckoning. Daryl didn't_ want _to fight him. Couldn't. It went against everything he'd ever come to know._

_After all that shit they'd gone through growin' up in the ol' man's house, livin' through that hell, together, he couldn't just_ willingly _fight Merle. Merle had suffered at the hands of the ol' man for him. Merle had given him his first shiner. Merle was the one who taught him how to hunt, how to skin and gut his kills. Merle was the one who taught him that Dixons don't cry, and Dixons sure as fuck don't die._

_And now that he'd finally found Merle, he had to fight him, til one a them_ died _?_

_Fuck that._

_What he knew, what he finally realized, and what he sure as hell weren't gonna tell Merle, never, was that he didn't want him goin' nowhere._

_He_ loved _Merle._

_It was as fuckin' simple as that._

_He knew that now. And if he had to take all a Woodbury and the fuckin' Gov'nor down, by hisself, he would._

" _Bring it on brother."_

* * *

"Merle…" What was he supposed to do?

"Lost baby brother?" He couldn't even rise to Merle's taunts anymore. Couldn't do nothin' but sit there and try to breathe. Try to stop his chest from cavin' inta the hole that had suddenly formed.

"And if I am?" Merle laughed, circlin' him.

"Always knew you was the stupid one. Couldn't tell yur ass from yur elbow." And he smiled. Merle always knew how to give it, but he sure as hell couldn't take it. Never bothered him none. He 'n Merle, they were a pair. Merle gave it, Daryl took it. Merle led, he followed. And he needed Merle _now_.

"Gotta tell me what to do Merle." Merle crouched down in front a him, and shook his head. Smacked his face, gently, smilin' kinda sad-like.

"Not no more Daryl." He let his hand rest against Daryl's face, somethin' not like Merle. Not like him at all. "Not no more," he whispered.

* * *

Rick, Glenn and Carol had managed to find his trail, following it until they had found him.

"What the hell's he doing?" They watched him from a few yards away. Weren't sure yet how to approach him.

"What's he doing with-"

"Shh!" Glenn didn't like being shushed like that, but Carol looked serious and upset, her gaze intent on Daryl. He sat; hunched on the ground, head between his knees.

"Can't hear him," Rick said, starting to walk closer.

"But _I_ can," she whispered hotly, grabbing Rick by the arm and pulling him back.

But Rick wasn't going to stand there any longer and let this go on. Something was wrong, and he wasn't going to wait and see how it was going to play out.

"Hell if I let him do this alone." And he walked out in the open to face him.

* * *

_It happened fast. Faster than he had thought it would. One minute Merle was beatin' on his damn face, and it hurt like fuckin' hell, and the next, he's whisperin' some shit in his ear._

" _Geeks."_

_Punch to his gut and the fuckin' people roar like it's a damn game. Daryl looked at him, confused. Merle scowled and tackled him to the ground, slammin' the metal hump across his head._

_His vision swam, and his head pounded out an unsteady rhythm. Fuck if Merle weren't even more ugly with that damn new arm a his._

" _Free the geeks." He couldn't see his brother's face through his fucked up vision, but he felt the next slam to his chest as he lost the breath in his lungs. He choked as Merle rolled off a him._

_Then he heard the chains rattlin' and he saw the bodies of the walkers gettin' closer._

_Free the geeks._

_He rolled to his knees, still tryin' to catch his breath._

" _Come on lil brother." Merle kicked him right in the gut, pushin' all the air right back outta his lungs. "Git the fuck up." Daryl cursed, and stood on his feet, stumblin' into the walkers. He couldn't even be bothered to worry bout their grabbin' hands and gnashin' teeth._

_How the hell was he gonna unchain the damn walkers? Merle had his damn metal arm now, but he had fuckin' nothin' but his own bare two hands to try and break those chains._

_And there it was. Stupid cocksuckers didn't rope up the walkers with nothin' but a belt. If he could unhook it, they'd be free._

_Free to eat whoever the fuck they wanted._

* * *

"Daryl?" He flinched, eyes findin' the voice that had called him.

It wasn't who he wanted it to be.

He didn't acknowledge him, just turned away again. Rick looked around, machete held loosely at his side.

"What's going on Daryl." But he couldn't stay. Not here. They wouldn't _understand_.

And he ran, again. Away from the pain, away the hurt, away from anything that made the reality of it all _too real._

"Daryl!"

* * *

"Fuckin' Officer Friendly," Merle sneered. "Always knew you was a poor judge a people." He was breathin' hard, couldn't seem ta catch his breath. Merle thwacked him on the back of the head.

"Fuck Merle!"

"Fuck you doin' with them Daryl?" He took a moment to think, to figure out how best to answer his brother. Coz either way he did, Merle weren't gonna be happy 'bout it.

He scratched the back of his head, eyes cast downward, foot scuffin' at the dirt. "You was gone. What else was-"

Merle smacked him again, and this time he went crashing to the ground.

"Look at me when I'm talkin' to you, boy!" And Daryl, he couldn't take it no more. He tackled Merle to the ground.

"Don't fuckin' talk ta me that way! You ain't _him_!" He searched out Merle's blue-gray eyes, which weren't filled with the anger he had expected. "Yer better'n him!"

Daryl hadn't felt this way in a long time. Not since their ol' man had knocked him ass over backwards when he had forgotten to put his guns 'way and the lawman had come snitchin' round the house. The ol' man and Merle had been in some deep shit at the time and seems somebody wanted to figure out what it was.

And the ol' man? He didn't have no fuckin' register fer those fuckin' guns. Not since he'd been outta the slammer.

And then Merle started laughin, _again_.

"Goddammit Merle." He rolled offa him and lay beside him on the ground.

"Went 'n got yerself a goddamn backbone didn't ya baby brother."

* * *

_It fuckin'_ worked _. Somehow, in god's own fuckin' name, he'd loosed a walker and set it on those mother_ fuckin' _dicks. Merle was right there with him, and soon all eight a those geeks were walkin' round and takin' names – or flesh. In the chaos they'd both taken down five a the Gov'nors men and had managed to make it out a that goddamn arena._

_Where he slammed inta Andrea._

" _This way," she panted._

_He pushed her off. "Fuck you bitch." She scowled, a hint a hesitation cutting clear across her face._

" _Don't need yer fuckin' help. Always knew you was good at getting' in the wrong fuckin' bed." Merle slapped him on the back, forcin' the air outta his lungs._

" _Ain't got time ta be picky brother!" He steered Andrea's shoulder ahead, forcin' her outta Daryl's way before they got inta somethin' they didn't have time fer._

" _Lead tha way sista!" She glanced back warily at Daryl but kept movin' forward, fast. Dippin' through the side alleys of their little town which he couldn't help but hate. This was somethin' that_ his _people needed. Warm places to sleep, walls of safety, plenty of food. It was a false sense of security but it was_ somethin' _._

" _Move yer feet Darylena!" Merle called back, under his breath._

_Daryl glanced round and realized they were headed round the way he'd come in._

" _You fuckin' stupid? They'll be watchin' that way!" She didn't even spare him a glance, but looked down the street checking to be sure there wasn't anyone about. And to his surprise, there wasn't._

" _How come there ain't nobody round?" He caught her smile, just tippin' up the corner of her lips._

" _Well, Phillip keeps more than just the eight on hand. Figured I'd give the others somethin' more to keep'em busy." She glanced back, givin'em both a flash a grin and bolted across the street where the exit was just waitin'. They both followed her._

" _Fuck you mean_ Phillip _. You on a first name basis with that one-eyed sonuvabitch?" He musta been givin' her a look cos she took a wary step back. Merle didn't look none too happy neither._

_She reached down and pulled out his crossbow, and a 45. He took both, placin' the gun in his back pants, noticing there was only one arrow already notched in the barrel.  
_

" _Just go before they find out it was me."_

_There was some shouting comin' from behind them, gettin' close. Daryl knew he didn't have much time, knew he shouldn't_ waste _it on her skinny, useless white ass._

_But Merle, for once, seemed to disagree. "Won't forget this blondie. 'Spose I was wrong 'bout ya." Andrea smirked, and squeezed his arm, taking off back into town._

" _The hell was that 'bout?" Merle didn't wait for him, just dipped out the hole in the wall._

" _Let's go Daryl! Ain't got time to be explainin'!" Daryl growled and dipped out through the hole and into the waitin' darkness of the night._

* * *

He hadn't gotten off the ground yet. Didn't have the energy, didn't feel like doin' shit.

"You was gone Merle. Didn't have no _choice_. It was either me or _them_. And I figured…I figured I could take my chances with _Rick_ since he thought he owed me a debt, chainin' you up on that roof 'n all. And now…"

_Now._

Now, it wasn't that way. Now they were _his_ group. They were his people. Weren't just somethin' he decided to tag along with. No, they'd come to rely on him. They needed him.

Nobody had _ever_ needed him. Not like they did. And that feelin', of bein' needed, made him feel right.

"Now I need'em, jus' as much as they need me." He waited for the blow, for the words to come barrelin' at him, cuttin' through him. But there was nothin'. Just the silence between'em.

And when he glanced over, Merle was gone.

* * *

_They ran. They ran like the devil was fuckin' bitin' at their heels. They ran like their ol' man was comin' fer'em._

_But they couldn't run fast enough._

_Cos in the end, someone always found'em._

" _Where the fuck you think you pendejos goin'?" He tripped over his two fuckin' feet. Merle'd almost been fuckin' shot. And now they stood, facin' a fuckin' Mexican with a gun._

_Couldn't go nowhere. Couldn't do nothin'. The gun was in his fuckin' pants and all he had was his fuckin' crossbow with only one fuckin' arrow. He shoulda gave Merle the fuckin' gun!_

" _Think you can fuckin' run, like some goddamn conos?" Merle didn't take the insult too kindly. Daryl could the look in his eyes. He was gonna rip the Mexican a fuckin' new one if, and when he got his hand on'im._

" _Fuckin' run brother." The Mexican's eyes shifted between them and his lips curled up._

" _Care for your hermano, do ya?" And there was a glint to his eyes that Daryl didn't like, didn't trust._

_And then the gun jerked from Merle to him, the barrel aimed right at his chest._

Bang

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Let me know what you think. All comments are appreciated. 
> 
> So Google translate was all I had: Pendejos - assholes. Conos - pussies. Everybody should know what hermano is - brother. These could be wrong.


	3. Always

"Daryl?" He didn't respond. Didn't blink. Not even the twitch of a muscle.

That scared her. She approached him slowly, careful not to make any sudden movements. She'd managed to keep Rick and Glenn back, but they both watched her nervously. That did nothing to help her.

She tried to make a wide berth around him, keeping herself within his vision, but she wasn't sure he was actually seeing her.

Kneeling on the ground, hands left hanging at his sides uselessly, face empty of any emotion. She wasn't sure Daryl was actually _there_.

"Daryl?" She asked again, louder this time. She went closer, hand stretched out in front of her, and touched his shoulder, gently.

But he just kept on staring.

* * *

_Merle shoved him away with his only hand, his grip so tight, he thought he was bruisin', his body followin' after, barrelin' inta him._

_He could feel himself fallin', body thrown off balance. But before he dropped, he whipped up the crossbow and fired, the soft_ chink _of the release of the arrow the sweetest sound he'd heard all night._

_And they all fell, crashin' to the ground. A sharp pain shot up his hip, an ache already spreadin' across the whole side of his body. He hadn't realized how much he_ hurt _._

_Daryl rolled to the side and jumped to his feet, crossbow pointed uselessly at the Mexican, but the false security it gave him still made it necessary._

_He was breathin' hard, his chest expandin' fast as he waited for the guy to make any sudden moves._

_But he didn't. And then, Daryl could just make out the arrow, clean through his left eye._

_He breathed a sigh of relief. "Merle?" He looked down to his left, where Merle had fallen. "Time ta go Merle, fuckin' taco bender's down."_

_But Merle didn't move. He heard him struggle to breath, cough, and then attempt to stand._

" _Merle?" He crouched down next to him and reached out a hand to touch his shoulder._

" _Fuckin' touch me!" Merle smacked his hand away, his voice rough and garbled._

_But Daryl wasn't gonna sit by this time. He reached out again and gripped Merle by the shirt._

_And his hands got wet, the shit on Merle's shirt warm and thick. He pulled his hands back and stared long and hard at them._

_It was_ blood _._

* * *

It must have taken Daryl a moment to process Carol's presence because she started talking to him, her hand resting lightly on his shoulder. He was still as stone, even though his knees musta been killing him.

And then, he wasn't anymore.

"MERLE!" He jumped to his feet, scaring the hell out of Carol, knocking her back.

"Where the fuck are you Merle!" He started pacing, eyes frantically searching the shadows around them.

"Don't you fuckin' leave me again! I'll fuckin' kill you! I'LL KILL YOU!" He stopped, stared long at hard at one spot, watching it intently.

"I ain't fuckin' leavin' you Merle." And then it became apparent what had been happening all this time. What had happened to _Merle_.

"Don't you fuckin' leave me Merle," he begged, the whisper drifting across the wind, his voice breaking with each syllable.

Rick and Glenn stood stunned, unable to move, to do anything. How did they fix this? How did they make this better? But they knew the answer before they had even thought it.

There was nothing.

Glenn dipped his head, unable to do anything but watch. Part of this felt like it was his fault. If he had brought Merle back with them, none of this might have happened. But Merle had made a _choice_. Made that choice to take them back to Woodbury, to torture him, to subject Maggie to the Governor, and to bring this on himself.

And Glenn wasn't sorry for Merle. But he was sorry for his _friend_. Because now, _Daryl_ would have to live with that for the rest of his life. 

Rick knew that this was a grief you had to ride out, that you had to let pass. There wasn't a thing they were going to be able to do about it, especially not for Daryl. But Carol was there.

Maybe he should let her take care of it this time, let her take of _him_ , like she was always doing for them all.

* * *

" _Git the fuck…outta here…brother." He couldn't leave him. Not fuckin' again. He weren't gonna do it. It was him 'n Merle._

" _I ain't fuckin' leavin' you Merle." Merle chuckled, blood drippin' down the side of his chin. Same ol' smirk, cocky and full a shit._

" _You always was the bleedin' heart." He coughed, blood flyin'. Daryl propped him up against the tree, his body weak, unable to protest Daryl's handling._

_But he still tried to push his arm away. "Dun botha." He couldn't_ watch _this happen. All because some fuckin' townies thought they were the fuckin' righteous. All cos some fuckin' wetback was a fuckin' trigger happy fuckin' dog._

" _Don't you fuckin' leave me Merle." He grabbed him by the arm, the crossbow forgotten at his side. "Don't ya leave me 'gain," he begged. Merle smiled, reachin' up, rufflin' his hair. That was a gesture he hadn't long felt since he were a kid._

" _Dun need me no more baby brother." His hand fell to the ground, too heavy for him to hold up now. Merle's blue-gray eyes were growin' dim and Daryl felt the panic startin' to rise in his chest, the air stuck in his throat._

_This weren't the way shit were 'sposed to be._

" _Don't you fuckin' leave me!"_

_And then he heard it. The groanin. The moanin'. The careless fumblin' through the underbrush. It was the goddamn walkers._

" _Gotta go brotha." Merle pushed his leg, weakly._

" _Merle I-"_

" _Yes you fuckin' can!" He flinched, Merle's voice echoin' round him. His chest heaved with effort of yellin', his face gaunt._

" _You git. Take care a yerself. Survive brotha." His breathe rattled in his chest._

_Daryl couldn't leave him. If he could fuckin' take on Woodbury, take on the Gov'nor, take on walkers, he could sure as hell drag Merle all the way back to the prison._

_Merle reached over, handed him the crossbow. "Dun lett'em take me," he whispered hoarsely. Daryl glanced round, takin' in the sight suddenly. Walkers were closin' in fast. He realized then that they'd been fuckin' loud, makin' all kinds of noise, and now they'd gone 'n attracted a small herd._

" _Fuck." Merle smirked and smacked Daryl across the arm._

" _Git." And there it was. Merle bein' a fuckin'…_ brother _. He fuckin'_ hated _it when he did that. When he decided to be somethin', to make Daryl_ proud _to call him family._

_And now he couldn't even save him. Couldn't save'im like he had always been doin' for him his whole fuckin' life. This time Merle was the one stayin' and he was goin'._

_And he knew he had to. He had to go. He had to leave'im. Had to leave Merle_ again _._

_And for once there weren't nothin' heavy in those eyes. No regret, no hate, no shame, nothin' holdin' him back. Just Merle pushin' him forward. Pushin' him ta_ live _._

_He dropped to his knees, arms comin' up round Merle's shoulders. He don't know if he'd_ ever _hugged Merle 'fore. Don't know if they'd ever been this close before unless they were fightin'._

" _Merle…I…I l-" The word caught in his throat and he stuttered in embarrassment. Merle laughed softly, his shoulders shakin' against Daryl. He felt a hand settle against his shoulder, gently, as the other pulled the gun from the back of his pants. He grit his teeth, shoulda known what Merle had in mind, but didn't say nothin'. Cos this was what he_ wanted.

" _I know baby brother. I know." And then Daryl pulled away quickly, picked the crossbow back up, and walked away. First only a few steps, and then a couple more. Then he turned to face Merle, his chest heavy._

" _Ain't nobody can kill me but me," Merle muttered, broad smile on his face, eyes shinin' bright._

_Daryl felt his eyes burn and his chest constrict painfully, but he forced it back._

_Dixon's didn't cry._

_He took one last look at his brother, and then turned._

" _You 'n me, baby brother."_

Bang

* * *

"You said it was always you 'n me!" His voice didn't carry far beyond the woods, swallowed up, disappearing in the shadows. He was drownin', drownin' in the pain of everythin' that had happened. 

The hurt, the sadness, the constant picture of Merle just-

He screamed, lettin' all that emotion that he didn't know how to handle just _go_. And then he felt something fall on his shoulder and he reacted without lookin'.

He turned so fast his arms knocked the thing that had touched him and then he tackled it to the ground, pinnin' it. He could feel the struggle beneath him, heard the whimper, the frantic breathing, the _panic_. Saw somethin' that was familiar but didn't make sense. Shoulda made sense but it didn't matter.

_Nothing_ mattered anymore.

He felt hands slam into chest and he jerked, the breath forced from his lungs.

"Daryl!" He blinked, slowly.

He felt the jerk again, against his chest. "DARYL!"

Who the fuck was hittin' him? Why was the voice so goddamn familiar?

_Always knew she were a fighter, that one. Gotta watch out for those mousey ones Darylena. They's survivors._

He froze.

"Merle?" There was a moment of heavy breathing, but nothing followed. 

_Silence._

Nothing. No Merle, no voice, no brother waitin' to give him hell for being such a pussy.

He felt a hand settle on his arm, just a whisper of a touch. He turned so fast, he felt his neck protest with the effort.

And there she was, _Carol_ , pinned beneath him, blood poolin' at the corner of her mouth, her eyes filled with worry. It was _her_ hand restin' on his arm.

"Carol?" She didn't move, didn't respond, didn't take her hand from his arm. Just nodded, licking at her bottom lip where he could already see it startin' to swell.

He had done that.

"Where's Merle?"

She didn't ask where he'd been, didn't ask if he was okay, didn't want to know what was going on, didn't even _hesitate_ over the harm he'd done her. She'd asked about _him_.

And he felt his chest breakin'. Felt everything inside a him dyin', like it weren't never gonna come back. He'd never felt this way 'fore, not never. Not even when his Ma had died.

He didn't know how to move, how to breathe, how to _think_ bout nothin' but Merle.

He were the only Dixon left. Merle weren't here no more. Merle weren't there to stop him from breaking into pieces, to tell him that only pussies cried. 

Now, he was _gone_. There weren't nothin' left a his in this world. Nothin' left for him 'cept walkers and emptiness and _nothing_.

He was gone. _Merle_ was gone. _Forever_. Weren't no comin' back. Weren't no findin' him, someday, maybe. There weren't no possibility that they would just cross paths again. He weren't gonna find him at some fucked up town where everybody lived like the world revolved round them. No, Merle weren't comin' back _ever_.

And that was the fuckin' truth.

Daryl collapsed onto Carol, all the fight just _gone_ outta him. He couldn't do it no more. Couldn't bear to stand, to think, to hold his head up, to hold in the goddamn tears that Merle would have called him a pussy for.

Couldn't _breathe_ just thinkin' that thought.

He buried his face into her neck; sobs ripping through him, as it all came crashing down around him. His hands tearin' into the dirt at her sides.

Merle _gone_. Merle _dead_.

"Shoulda been _me_ who died, not him," he croaked into her neck, the words throaty and barely coherent.

"All he ever did, his whole fuckin' _life_ , was take care a _me_ ," and he broke into sobs again, the tears falling hot against Carol's skin.

She didn't know what to _do_. She was pinned beneath him, barely able to breath, all of his weight baring down on her and he was _broken_.

How would he come back from this? How could _she_ help him come back?

Would she even be able to?

She felt the tears burn at her eyes, and then slide down her cheeks. His pain tore her heart in two. And she had no idea what to do about it.

So she did the only thing she _did_ know how; she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face against him, and cried silently.

He shuddered, the tears still falling against her shoulder and then he wrapped an arm around her, grippin' her _tight_ , the other hand still diggin' deeper into the earth. Digging for a way to bury everything that he had lost, and to find something that could never be found again. 

"Me 'n you," he choked.

_Always baby brother._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The last chapter, and it hurt so much to write. I love Merle, and I love to hurt him. Thanks for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Leave a comment if you will, telling me what you think. I'd really appreciate it. This is primarily a Merle/Daryl fic but with some slight Caryl later on. Takes place directly after 'Made to Suffer'.


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